Oh what a night...

sorry it's been so long, slap my little wrists but I'm making up for it now:

so after a very boozy saturday (22nd of Jan) us three ladies are game for a big night, unfortunately our comrade in arms is ill-maracon, it's castejjano for pussy so naturally its olly's nickname! but we decide that we can venture out without Ol and so dropped him back at the apartment and headed towards a local club Ink (bad idea on two counts, first-Ol found soft porn on late night Argentine tv& masturbated on what is soon to be my bed: I´m givng up the room I share with Iz when Tom arrives for bovious reasons so sleeping on the sofas downstairs! secondly Ink turned out to be more of a nightmare than a nightclub!)



upon arrival we were chaperoned through the queue and into the VIP section by some seedy Aisian guy in an orange shirt, minutes after entering the club it was clear that the average age was about 40 and the men were disgusting, but our Asian friend...whom it transpires is the owner was insistent on buying us all drinks and then ordering cheap champagne and making us sit with him, drunk with courage and desperate to leave we proposed to play dumb-pretending to understand little Spanish& in order to dampen their desire acted as wierdly as possible snorts, awful laughs, dog barks at random points in conversation Katie even began to persisitently prod one of them on the nose until they became so disinterested that we managed to make our excuses and leave with relatively little arguement!



Anyway, we hopped into a taxi and decided to head to Jet, a cool club recommended to us by one of Izzy's Uruyguan friends...it was MILES away, and upon arrival we discovered it was shut, however, our awesomne taxi driver Hector told us not to fear and said he would drive us to a new club, Hector's clever tactic of loud cheesey pop ballads and swerving down the road in time to the music, lulled us into a false sense of security and it wasn't till we arrived we realised we had spent nearly 60 peso, almost ten quid in England...normally we spend about 3, hpwever we were finally at an okay club and went in.

problems arose, Roomi was distinctly average and the tacky argetine pop music did little to raise it's credibbilty after spending as much money as we could on getting horrendnously drunk we deicided it was time to head home and here the problems began. when we left the club it was clear that despite the fact the apartment was a good two hour walk we didn't have enough money for the enitre taxi fare. Drunk with courage we decided to walk! However, about the minutes in the walk katie, little miss responsible made a confession she'd lost our key. Suddenly our night out didn't seem as fun but if we got home we knew we could get in by waking up the sleeping beats that was Olly so the drunken soldiers marched on...into the red light district. clever! we walked along a main road which bordered the largest park in buenos aires, the further down we walked the more cars we began to see parked by trees etc in the park suddenly Izzy and I spotted 3 scantily clad women...a generous term they were wearing underwear and thats a generous term in itself...two peices of string would be more adequate to describe their outfits think jodie marsh's infmaous two "belts" but worse! at this point we were all a little bit scared and soon all the cars began to slow down asking us to hop in, or if we were working and shouting whores at us!! really nice.

suddenly a taxi driver pulled up and told us to get in, explaining the area was very dangerous, luckily we'd been walking for about an hour and had just about enought for the fare to drop us back at the apartment, by this point it was about 7 and we were shattered, we arrrived at the door and buzze for olly. no answer, we tried again, no answer, we stood there for fifteen minutes to no avail, everywhere was shut and after sleeping in the doorway and taking it in turns we finally roused Ol.

Thinking we were saved, we explained the situation and told him we were at the entrance to the appartmwnt block but had no key, he needed to find the other key and come dow and let us in but under no circumstances was he to shut the door behind him, as then we'd both be locked out...within minutes he had. it was 7.30 in the morning we hadn't slept for over 24 hours and Ol was locked out of our apartnemnt in the apartment building while we were locked out of both. there was only one soluton , to wake up the lesbian neighbours, as out other friends were away. So Olly manned up and took the plunge and finally we got into the aprt,ent blocke the lezzers noguht us pillows and called a locksmith whilst Katie Izzy and I collapsed by the door to our locked aprtment.

Left to his devices in the crazy lesbianic den ol wittnessed their morning routine which consisted of a spliff and then neat vodka so I think he welcomed the arrival of a hairy little man who tunred out to be the locksmith and wrenched the door open with some fantatsic blue machine at which point the exhasuted and emotional chicas hit the hay for a long time!!

ciao. xx

Moni, our tutor spent out Spainish lesson crying today but due to her lack of English never actually explained to Izzy and I why. it was uncomfortable, also the creature who lives above the computer room has been trying to escape all morning-we think it's a ratton, Olly is downstairs dancing to Ricky Martin's Vida Loca with the girls, it's worrying, even more worryingly he has just requested the lover boy song from dirty dancing...oh god. xx

cock lock...

Sunday was awesome...went to look at the Casa Rosanna and of course Izzy& I danced round the PLaza del Mayo singing don´t cry for me Argentina-it was neccessary! then went to a little Antique market, headed over to a pretty store selling jewellry and began to browse through until Iz suddenly screams and throws down a necklace! I look over to see her holding a chain with one of the most offensive falic mages I´ve ever seen swinging freely from it-v funny. the store holder was pissing herself.

That evening we came back to the appartement and decided to eat in. NEVER AGAIN. we began to cook the chicken in our kitchen/livingroom/jake and I´s bedroom. within about ten minutes the frying pan handle had melted off leaving the chicken stranded on the hob with no way of removing it apart from accepting third degree burns! we finally manged to get it off due to my ingenuis skills with a tea towel and some flame control and sat down to eat, as I moved the sofa/my bed forward to create a chair a giant spider ran out and Murphy was left with three screaming girls cowering on the table and no other option but to attack the beast with his shoe! After much complaining and drama we finally ate& it wasnt long before Ol gallanty decided the best way to cheer us up was to play some novelty music and begin dancing...all very good but at some point Ol tied padlock to the front of his shorts, possibly part of the crazy routine, a sign of his new chastity, or just a way to hold up his shorts...nobody really knew unfortunately at that point there was a knock at the door& as the three of us leapt to the sofa whispering "you answer you answer" Ol had no choice but to get it, he courageously walked to the door& after much confusion about whether to open it or not he did-to see our neighbour standing there, they begun to have a conversation with him (their electricity was off and they wanted to see if ours was too) and Ol became quite friendly with the guy he even invited us over for a drink. It wasn't till his return that we all realised the charming chastity lock he had jokily tied to his crotch was still dangling there in full view of our new friend!!! Hilarious

Izzy and I began our Spanish course yesterday our teacher is crazy!!! we have private tutoring because we couldn't fit on the other course& she loves us, she calls us "my little bebeeees" and has given us her phone number to call "anytimes darleeeengs"! at one point yesterday when we got something right she leapt to the ground and began to kiss it, sqeauling, we wonder if she is all there and we've also discovered she doesn't realy speak english, but she's nice! last night there as a huge storm and so we didn't go out but after a few hand signals With our next dorr neighbours in between lightening strikes! they invited us in for a drink...we tried this traditonal argetinian herbal drink which was awesome and they played us some of their music! Izzy and I convinced them that Katie was quite a successful guitar player in England and so next week when they come for a bbq we promised them Katie will sing! CANNOT WAIT!

anyway, off to see Monica the crazy teacher now but will write soon. adios! xx

Tenergrief...

Katie, Olly and Izzy are at the gym so have taken this oppurtunity to recount our nightmare journey to you all. Ol and I left Heathrow with everything relatively under control-aside from out weeping mothers& the fact neither of us could really carry our bags, but honestly they were small problems compared to what was about to occur...things were about to get ugly

To call air Iberia an airline is really to flatter them. there is NO inflight entertainment but instead of just accepting their budget cannot stretch as far as films they have huge screens that drop down from the ceiling and then proceed to show some fucked up sort of planecam the entire way so all you can see is the clouds outside and the runway during takeoff and landing...hardly enthralling. To make matters worse Olly was sat next to a Spanish guy who was a cross between Mr Gillings and Donald Trump, he smelt like old furniture and despite how many times we insisted we didn't speak Spanish he continued to make conversation with us, jabbering and laughing and even waveing a miniature eg he brough out of his pocket in my face...the entire situation was hugely awkward-about 4 hrs in we were already counting down the minutes till we could get off the plane, away from Spainiush Gilbo and actually eat something edible.

Then comes a Spainish annoucemnt whic indced the entire plane into panic...we waited for the English translation and understood why as the air hostess struggled in broken english to ask for any doctors onboard to come to the front of the plane immediately!! after half an hour of the crew rushing around and people nervously peering at a curtained area we felt the plane make a sharp turn around and the captain announced we were heading to Tenneriffe!!

so our supposed first night in Tenneriffe was spent in a 5* hotel in Tenneriffe courtesy of air Iberia-not bad! finally we arrived at the apartement after some crazy driving by or taxi driver who had to dodge his way around this massive quadbike race that was happening all over the city! on arrival Ol and I then had to wait outside the apartment as or trusty living buddys had gone out shopping...tut tut. Anywa must fly as Iz and I are off to learn spainsh with our tutor Monica.

adios. xx

2 days till take off

Last nights farwell shindig has left me reeling& now far too hungover to even contemplate completing todays shopping list which consists of copious amounts of Malaria medicine-Olly is furious that my only form of protection appears to be a flimsy mosquitio net-shoes, padlocks, washing powder, and lost of other fantastically boring but slightly essential items, especially the footwear!

It appears that my flight reference doesn't actually corespond to any Air Iberia plane so I'm becoming resigned to the fact that I will be walking to Buenos Aires, so really ought to get onto the footwear today as that is quite a journey...spent yesterday evening having a trial run with rucksack-walked from the platform in Marleybone to the taxi rank-disaster! Someone had to help me which does not bode well for the Inca trail and beginning to feel more and more inclined to hire a donkey for bag carrying purposes and maybe even keep him on for a while after, just for companionship...Anyway next post may be from Buenos Aires itself-if Air Iberia find my plane otherwise it will just be from my bed.

Love to all. xxx